This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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