Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
