i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
