You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
