she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
