Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
