the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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