the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
