Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
