Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
