Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
