Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
