Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
