so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
