I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
