Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Randomize
