I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
