oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
