my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
