Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
