you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
