Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I wish i was in the wii world.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
