no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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