I think scott just propositioned me for sex
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
