She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
