yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
