wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
