I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
