Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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