addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
