She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
