Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
