The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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