Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
