I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize