in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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