Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
