So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
