ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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