"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
should my penis look like a turkey
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
