So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
