wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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