The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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