I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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