ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
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