you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
