I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
