I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
