No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
