my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
