i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i think my cat just said my name.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just gargled with NyQuil
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
