I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
