i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
