I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Randomize
