I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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