I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
