If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
