if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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