Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
