I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
