she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
