also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize