Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
