Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
