My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
soo... how was my night?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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