sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
