You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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