Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
