The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
