can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
