I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
