By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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