Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
